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| beatles - last christmas |
| 05.16.04 (5:08 am) [edit] |
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love takes off the mask that we fear we cannot live without ...and know we cannot live within
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| mariah carey - when you believe |
| 05.14.04 (9:35 am) [edit] |
do you know that i really need you.
helpless.
i wish for a second intersection point.
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| boyzone - picture of you |
| 05.12.04 (7:27 am) [edit] |
bored. nth exciting in my dumb jc.
jc stuffs are chim and i can't get anything right. right from the start i've been making mistakes. when i saw her , i shouldn't have fell for her , when i fell for her , i shouldn't have held on her , when i held on her , i shouldn't have let her go. many times i wanted her so badly , many times i've tried to let her go and of all the times i tired , i failed. after so long , she's still here in my heart , i can't shake this feeling off , i really can't. there's no one i can confide my problems to , no one i can pour my sorrows on. only when i have a chance to be all alone , only then , can i allow my tears to fall. today i was released early from school , left to rot infront of my com , i thought of her , i thought of the nicest times we had , the saddest times i had to pull myself through. i thank her for the fond memories she add in my life , though the saddness is obviously much more than those fond memories. but who can be as fortunate as me to have met her , because i know many ppl out there desperately wants to know her.
do you remember that day my hand conincide with yours , do you remember that day my eyes met yours , do you remember that day you said your feeling has fade. do you ? becos i do.
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| harlem yu - qing fei de yi |
| 05.09.04 (3:53 am) [edit] |
my com is just fixed. dunno what's wrong with it so i simply reformated this bloody shit. update myself about my status now , i'm currently not passing any of my test. exams are coming soon after the june holidays and i'm slacking. maybe i should start studying n stop crapping. anyway i'm damn bored !!! sibei siannnn. miss life in aes or maybe i just miss her existence.
some ppl say i'm waiting for nth , some ppl think i'm dumb , many says i'm wasting my time. how true is this ? :(
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| mp3 : the moffats - miss you like crazy |
| 04.28.04 (7:38 am) [edit] |
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haix...i'm just missing the old you and i really do. you are all that i need , all that i want. can't u see the pain i am going through when i'm without you. I MISS U LIKE CRAZY !
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| mp3 : zhen xin hua |
| 04.24.04 (8:53 am) [edit] |
worn-out. Not getting enough sleep these few days , i have been having late bball trainings and even later dinner time. i got to juggle this pile of bball trainings and my shit sch work. tonnes of hw , lecture notes and test waiting for me. I'm dying...want drop out of sch...and i just passed my maths test. tramatised le. didn't know jc life will be SO SO SO SO SO SO SO tough. it isn't similar in anyway compared to the 1st 3 mths. where we can pon lessons , don't do hw , and concentrate FULLY on our CCAs which is what i did during the 1st 3 mths - go for bball trainings only. this whole pile of tertiary education is simply shit work. haix sux man. i hate pe now , just running round the track for pe is going to take my life. and i have to sprint round it during trainings and is sprint ! chiongster-ism. 400 m in 1.20 min?! my stamina have really dropped , and it's drastically. blah , i'm just damn sick of this life i'm having now. no her , plenty of hw , continuous test and never ending failures. and of cos my all time favourite , countless running on the track. HAIX. wish "she" would be my moral support at this time.
Though i think that my life is freaking pathetic , but i suppose it's quite good already. at least i still have a healthy body. well , one of a assumption teacher is now diagnosed with cancer...heard it's at the 3rd-4th stage , the most "deadly" one. i wish her all the best and hope she can get well soon.
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| a failure |
| 04.17.04 (5:47 am) [edit] |
mp3 : 98 degrees - the hardest thing
the failure is speaking again. we lost to nyjc just a few moments ago , and they are just an average team , i don't think they are damn good. how can we lose by so much. and we shouldn't be losing them in the first place. i think pjc is out le bah...since we lost to rjc and nyjc , vjc shouldn't be a problem for us to lose them too. haix...i've never been kickout in the 1st round b4 , NEVER!! i'm not putting some kind of blame on my team members , but i'm just too tramatised by this match. how can we lose ? haix...letdown my graduating seniors. this is their last year , their last hope of winning. then we just lost the game like that.
the expressions on my seniors face just now was totally black and anybody could see they were damn disappointed. some showed their disappointment by their tears while others supressed it inside them. don't know what kind of training there would be on monday , but i'm sure , everybody has this sianz mood le.
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| only can keep my distance |
| 04.16.04 (5:37 am) [edit] |
mp3 : utada hikaru - first love
for once i'm release early from sch, 1.30 pm. though i'm tired and restless , i still dragged myself to clementi sports hall. managed to catch a few glimpse of her. aes lost in today's match against nygh. haix...nth much to blog , my life has been damn boring since she's gone. i feel like my heart is being chop-stab-smash into pieces. can't study properly for my Os neither can i concentrate on my As i'm failing every single subject like nobody's business , haix...i'm such a failure ! faggot like me shouldn't be living on this planet
i miss you i miss you. i REALLY REALLY MISS YOU ALOT ! charline........!!! :cry: :cry: :cry:
what wrong have i done in the past , why should i deserve such pain and agony...i really really like you so much. i still do , my feelings didn't change , not even abit. i'm still suffering from a broken heart , a body w/o a soul. how i wish you would be the one to fill up this loniness , you are the one who would cheer me up when i'm down , support me when i'm weak , don't leave me nor abandon me when i need you. haix....why am i saying all these when she's gone , i'm really a retard , a retard acting tough infront of her , when i'm so vulnerable , when my heart is bleeding profusely.
HAIX , charline i really need you in my life , i can't resist this feeling , i can't force this feeling out of my heart , leaving you is like cutting away a part of me. a part of my heart. how can a heart function when a part of it is absent. how can i function when your are not here to assist me. you play a major role in my life , now or forever , it will still be the same. nobody else can replace this position in my heart. and i assure you , you are my everything. i will sacrifise anything or everything for you - my life , my studies. i don't care if this is a moment of folly , a moment of foolishness , i only care about you. i want you. i need you.
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| mp3 : zhang jing xuan - duan dian |
| 04.12.04 (7:37 am) [edit] |
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long day. had long lessons and long training. seems like ages since i last saw her....charrrrrrrrr....haix i miss her so much i can just die man. who can see through my feelings , who can understand how i feel , who can talk me out of this dumb illusion. haix...i just can't forget her , really can't. it's been long since i last talk or think abt her. but i can't deny , the person i want to see right now is her. the person i want to be with right now is still her. haix...i hate this fucking feeling of being so damn lonely so damn lost. waiting for something. i'm getting impatient !!! i going craZYYYYY !
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| freaking bored ! |
| 04.11.04 (8:53 am) [edit] |
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just completed my hw...and it's damn boring...heng mrs chong was my physics teacher...i completed my physics hw in 10 mins. super bored...wish she was here to fill this emptiness.
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| zzz |
| 04.08.04 (9:23 am) [edit] |
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thanks rj...i got a very bad backache now , after your damn good "massage". feels like my back muscles are tearing apart.
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| lost by 32 pts ! |
| 04.07.04 (5:37 am) [edit] |
haix. saddening we lost by 32 pts...so it's a trashing game. we were fighting for the 1st part of the game...but i think everybody got sick and tired of being pushed around by the rj ppl we gave up. they were physically pushing us around. n i got squashed ! both on my left and right were 2 BIG sized rj bballer. woa bang ! i'm flat and my ball flew out. haix...so i screwed the game. n warmed the dumb bench for the 3rd quarter... what the fook sia ! i hate rj ppl ! all so big sized what the heck they eat. we lost to them so must win the next few matches ! i don't want to get knocked out so soon ! pj must win !
JJ lost to cjc by 2 pts ! wasted. i think i'm too tired to do my hw...haix...want slp soon
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| trash or not |
| 04.06.04 (5:21 am) [edit] |
got a match tml. up against the mighty rjc. i shall not think of wining them , cos all 12 of them are experienced players , and us pj-sians are just noobs running around the court. well i will just hope we don't lose too much or else , it will be damn ugly and horrifying if we are going to lose by 50 points ? got back no. 6 , guess i have much fate with that number , followed me since the day i step on a basketball court.
now i got no mood for hws , revision , neither does that pile of notes seems appealing to me. jc life just sux. my civics class is still as dull as ever !
Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most. (Please Vote)
What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| i can just eat shit and die !!! |
| 04.04.04 (7:26 am) [edit] |
arghhh ! fed up doing homework. cannot even complete a single qns. WHAT IS MATHS C !!! so chim , so tough , so horrible. i dunno how do anything on that shit of paper...and my chem tutor suxs. she really sux to the core man. nobody knows what she's talking about and she just go on talking , insane person. she sux arhhhhh. lousy teacher sia. most of my teachers all old one...no chio one...sian man no motivation le. =x dunno what's happening in my life. everybody is saying something i don't understand and i'm a total loner in that fucking sch , i only look forward to my trainings where i can only find companionship with the ball n some of my seniors.
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| boringgg |
| 04.02.04 (8:04 am) [edit] |
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lecture , tutorials , practicals , trainings , so damn sian... got alot of hw...so don't really have the time to update my blog...
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| ... |
| 03.27.04 (7:48 am) [edit] |
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as usual , when i saw her my smile lit up , hormones went flying all over. she was sooo damn chio ! the way she dress up make her look so mature and her figure damn nice man, arghhh miss her. =x. i was so damn glad i went for the anti-drug dance competition. hahax =x. hmm those ex-assumptionites were great , well although they didn't win , their dance was superb and i will nv have that courage to dance infront of so many people.
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| - |
| 03.25.04 (10:03 pm) [edit] |
have i learnt how to forget her. have i lost interest in her. or have my feelings been numb. my life now is dull , nth is happening , guess these 2 years will just be plain studying.
JC life suxs ! worst thing , my ct is a chinese teacher n i don't understand a single shit n i think nobody in the class understands what she's talking about. the funniest thing is , she asked us to set some rules for lessons n somebody said she must communicate with us in ENGLISH. haha should have bought a camera phone and took her expression then.
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| damn damn sianz |
| 03.23.04 (11:46 pm) [edit] |
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haix...pj is damn boring...orientation suxs...lasted until 5.30 for 2 days...and the OGLs actually did nth for 3 hours...we just stared at each other..haix...i miss the ppl in jjc , so fun , active , enthu , if only it was built in cck i will sure to choose jjc as my 1st choice sch. haix. did i make the wrong choice.
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| lousy me. |
| 03.20.04 (10:38 pm) [edit] |
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maybe it's time to let go , maybe she really isn't my meant to be . i like the old friendly her , not the cold her. it really seems to me that she has changed , maybe i was too stubborn that time to realise , but now i do , i do want to forget her and move on. it's just too tiring to hold on to something so impossible.
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| the day my heart stops |
| 03.17.04 (10:16 pm) [edit] |
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I want to see her !!!!! want to see her right now !!!!! Damn bored , stuck at home...after this wk...got to chiong on expressway le...wonder what is jc life really abt...3 mths course in jc is only a beautiful lie...haix wonder how hard will i be studying...will i become a nerd again ? hmm...dunno. My heart is failing me again...running seems such a torturous task for me to complete...should i go seek some medical treatment...haix...nvm worst come to worst , die...
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| i wish , i hope ... |
| 03.15.04 (7:34 pm) [edit] |
i think of her , dream of her , miss her , cry because of her , what don't i do that has got to do with her...haix why waiting for something that's so impossible...
hao xi huan ni , hao xiang dui ni shou wo ai ni
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| air supply - goodbye |
| 03.12.04 (7:47 pm) [edit] |
I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you tried
You deserve to have so much more
I can feel your heart
And I sympathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say
But....Goodbye
You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure I'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say
But....Goodbye.
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way
Than to say....Goodbye.
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| missing every moment that was shared with you |
| 03.10.04 (10:26 pm) [edit] |
Baby open your heart
Won't you give me a second chance
And I'll be here forever
Open your heart
Let me show you how much I care
And I will make you understand
If you open your heart
To love me once again
haix...really want to make you mine...really want you by my side...
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| drowing in pools of blood and tears |
| 03.05.04 (6:18 am) [edit] |
bleeding all over , i can't heal this wound...i can't stop the bleeding...i'm feeling weak...
*miss char for 1 yr 195 days
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| in a dilemma...not sure if it's the best choice |
| 03.02.04 (6:52 pm) [edit] |
basically i got nothing better to do...so blog every single day...it's 10.37am...very early...catch some slp again later...b4 i head off to jjc...for maybe the last training...haix rather sad...seriously , i don't really like that sch but i really feel very attached to the team...i don't know if by choosing pj instead of jj for my jae is the best for me...but i know it's a nearer sch thus i will not feel so tired after long journeys...haix...nvm what is done is done...i can always meet them up...
haix...i'm so damn sianzzz stuck at home...doing nothing...and when i'm doing nothing normally i will be thinking of someone...haixxx...no mood no mood...sianz1/2...if only i could have another moment with you...if only i could have another chance to be with you...haix...really would like that...or should i just let u go ?! but how how how...i dunno how to let you go...!!! haix...this is killing me...maybe to kill myself is a solution to how i should let you go...let myself go too..haix i so dumb...birdbrain...small with nothing inside...useless asshole...! it's me...
*miss char for 1 yr 193 days
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[profile]
//nick// silencer
//status// saddified soul
//sch// aes , jjc[3mth] , pjc
//ireallywant// her
//boutme// wish she wasn't just my memory , wish she wasn't part of my fantasy , wish she was right beside me.
I'm feeling...
It hurts to see you walk away, for admit it or not, you were an important part of my life and the times we shared will forever be a part of me, so even though I realize it was never meant to be, I'm still right here waiting...
I cried for the times that you were almost mine, I cried for the memories I've left behind, I cried for the pain, the lost, the old and new...I cried for the times I thought I had you
There was a smile on my face...before I lost you, I worried myself to sleep...now that you're gone, I sit up at night, waiting for you to come back...
*+he worst way t0 m!ss someone !s t0 be s!tting r!ght bes!de them know!ng y0u can't have them...!*
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